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Where Unicorns live; Pigs fly and Leprechauns Dance

Apparently I live in a world where unicorns live, pigs can fly, and you can enjoy the entertaining dance of the leprechauns. Did I also mention ¬†within this mythical world of make-believe that I apparently live in, I can also split myself into a million different pieces and directions…because after all; I’m the mythical superwoman!

(Have you ever realized what a daunting task it is to write when in your mind continually replays the song “Somewhere Over the Rainbow?”)

It seems the harder I try in life, to satisfy everyone else’s needs; the more they demand of me. The more I give of myself to friends, extended family, and my not so extended family the more they feel they can take. It’s a sad realization, as well as a painful one especially this time of year.

The question then becomes; ” when almost everyone you love tries to pull you in a million different directions, what do you do?”

Myself; I’m perpetually trying to learn how to give them all the proverbial finger!

Ignorance is not bliss, unlike what people like to think! People in life tend to forget that what they go through in their personal daily life, may not be as challenging as the emotional wreck they just ignored. Just because you cannot see a person mentally and or physically crumbling before your eyes, doesn’t mean they are not in the middle of an internal battle. Just because someone appears to handle the challenges they face with grace and style doesn’t mean they’re not tripping up and losing balance.

My husband continually laughs at me because everywhere I go; I seem to attract the strangest of people. I can and often will be in a line-up minding my own business when a complete stranger will begin talking to me. Within minutes, I know more about them than their family. You would assume that with red and purple hair, lip and tongue piercing, and 70 % of my body covered in tattoos; I’d be the last person strangers would open up to. In some cases, this is a correct assumption, but in other’s not so much. I find the upper class tends to look down on me, assuming I’m white trash, a druggie, a trouble maker that is broke and living off the system. Whereas the middle class and below understand that everything about me tells a story. That to have the style I do; it cost a lot of money; therefore I must not be white trash as some assume.

These are the people who can look into my eyes and see an act of kindness they feel compelled to open up too. They can look at my physical appearance and know that I have been through a lot in my relatively short life. These individuals will open up to me in the lineup because they sense that I can relate to what they are going through. They understand that my appearance doesn’t mean I’m a nasty, cold hearted mean person but one with a soft heart. One who won’t ignore them; but rather listen to them vent, offer words of understanding and encouragement before being on my way. They understand that as much as I face daily, I still cannot say “screw you, I have enough on my plate without listening to your problems.” But that I will be a sounding board for them because I understand what it means to have no one to vent to.

I’d love to be a grinch all year round, whose heart has become shrivelled and small, due to its being broken and stomped on more times than shown love. To give up on humanity, ignore the stranger seeking someone who will listen to them, or disown family and friends who insist on battering my already broken heart and soul. Unfortunately, that is not the type of person I am.

Instead, I continually try, to equally balance children with Autism, mental health issues, mental disabilities, and epilepsy. I am pulled in so many different directions, as I try to ensure that my children all feel equally treated, cared for, loved; as well as feeling that they all have my equal attention. I’m in and out of meetings, on phone calls, emailing back and forth all day long. I’m managing two legal matters; one which involves a legal battle with the school board for discriminating against my mentally and physically disabled son and rejecting his right to education. I ensure everyone gets proper lunches, maintain a very demanding ketogenic diet for my son, manage all the bills and banking; on top of everything else I’ve listed. Plus I aim to instill into my children that they are all equal, they all receive an equal piece of my attention daily that allows them to maintain an open line of communication with me. I never promote a favorite child; they all know I love them equally; so there’s never a reason to be jealous or fight for my attention. I constantly open my heart up to family and friends, trying to do anything I can to help ease any burdens they are shouldering. I am forever showing my mate that he has my unconditional love and never taken for granted. Along with I handle daily, I continue my pursuit of self-growth through online education, as well as, blogging and trying to launch a website to help others in need.

So where do I find time for myself? Simple; I don’t.

There is just not enough of myself to go around to everyone else the way they demand and still find time for me. Instead of providing back the love and support I show them; people are forever trying to get more from me. No matter how much I give of myself; it never seems to be enough for the majority of people in my life. It seems to be a constant struggle to see who can take more from me without giving back so much as a passing thought, let alone a helping hand. Family and friends take and take, expecting me to reach out to them instead of realizing I have my hands full and that maybe I need them to reach out to me. It seems much easier to them to be ignorant of my daily struggles then it is to take the time and ask what they could do for me that might help.

I feel as if the majority of people in my life take me for granted and forget about me until they need me. That they are upset with me because I cannot be stretched or broken into more pieces than I am; for them and their needs. And yet, as much as I wish I could become a grinch with the heart of stone; that’s not me. I cannot seem to give up hope that someday people will extend their hearts and helping hands towards my needs for once. That someday, I will be able to take all the extended broken pieces and rebuild myself back up to my original form. Luckily with the help and support of my amazing husband who supports me in every way possible, along with a couple of superb friends who stand alongside me; this is a goal that is obtainable.

When you know someone who is continually giving, has their hands full but seems to handle it all in stride; remember things are not always as they appear. Instead of being selfish, this holiday season try giving the gift of lending a helping hand instead of expecting even more from them. Remember that Christmas is about giving not receiving and giving the best gifts has nothing to do with cost, but about the meaning behind the gift. So this year give the gift of human decency and extend yourself to those who extend to you all year long.